honestly, i hope that i'm feeling this shitty 'cause i'm 'bout to have this experience once again, but still, it's like two weeks left if it suddenly has decided to become regular. otherwise, it's the fact that i let you go that's making me this depressive. and i think the best way to get over it is to write 'bout it (The best way to get over a woman is to turn her into literature, 500 days of summer, Henry Miller) and maybe talk it all over with a friend or something and to just keep on living, get other things to think 'bout. i know that i've got an opportunity to forget him on friday already. or, that's the next time i'm planning to get drunk anyway.

i've never understood how you can only be interested in one guy at the time, until i met this dude. maybe it was because other guys had worked me up so that i was ready for a real relationship for once in my life, but then i had to go and blow it all. or maybe it's just his fault as much as mine... i told him to go for his ex 'cause he still likes her. but i like him aswell, and what if he likes me too? but i know that he likes her more, i mean, i've only known him for about a month, but it still feels so right. i mean, i was ready to stop flirting with other guys completely, and i've never felt that way before.

love. i don't want to believe in it anymore, it's just annoying. i've always done this to other guys too, i've always pushed them into going for my friend or their ex just 'cause i'm afraid. afraid of getting hurt i would guess, or afraid that they'll regret choosing me over someone else. yeah, that's it. hey, i hardly know this guy. i'll meet someone eventually, and all this shit behind me will only make me stronger and more experienced, it will get me ready for when the real deal comes. but i'm still hoping that he'll realise that he had me and then maybe he'll come back, 'cause i'm quite sure that he wont get back together with his ex actually... although i'm kind of hoping that he will, 'cause i know how much he likes her. but i can't imagine that he'll suddenly just call me or something. it felt as if we said good bye forever yesterday... but i'll always remember the good times, the nights we spent in the same bed together♥.